This Afternoon/I Just Wanna Run

Song: This Afternoon - Nickelback
          I Just Wanna Run - The Downtown Fiction

We are already in February. I cannot believe this. Time has flown by, but at the same time it hasn't. I have until summer to find a place with my best friend and move out. Or find a place by myself. Also I need to start looking for a 2nd job closer to summer so I won't have to be so stressed out about money.

Classes are good so far. I like my 50min math class, we are only generally in there for 30min which is super awesome :) Of course I love my Humanities class! My professor is BOMB! He is so much fun and we tease each other, he likes to mock words I say. I think I have already decided what my final project is going to be, which is good because it is going to be a lot of work!

I was going to cancel talking to my bestie back home to go see a movie with my bestie here but thats not happening now so it's a night in for me, I am not complaining though. We will see Sanctum though, we need to perv at Rhys Wakefield, who I have been crushing on for a VERY long time! Since he first appeared in Summer Bay on Home and Away. I need to save money because I may be buying a new tyre for my car as I swear it has a slow leak in it because, depending on the weather, I have to put air in it once a week. My car is going in for an oil change anyway and my phone rebate came a few days ago but I only opened it today haha. So that $100 can help pay for the tyre. Lessen the blow in my actual account.

Dad told me today that as soon as I turn 21 I will be off this health insurance. I could have been on there until 25 but I am not a full time student anymore and I am not planning on being one for a little while. So that is another thing I have to deal with. I don't know if I am looking forward to being an "adult". Too much stuff you have to pay for. And Taxes?!? Boy do I need help with that one. I have never done taxes before because I didn't have to. This is my first full year of work and all of that. So I may be asking someone at work for help with them, I could ask dad but I don't really want to. Though I do need to find out if he is claiming me on his taxes, I would figure he is.

I am really considering going home next summer, and not for a few weeks or months. Maybe until the end of the year. This is dependent upon my mum and dad getting my residency done! I would like to get a job while back there and my licence and be legal for once. I dunno, it's just where my mind is at. I will be here for another year for sure. I will be in an apartment for a year before deciding. I know my best friend wants me to come home, and mum and dad would love me back!

Even though I haven't really left my room today, I have been very productive! I cleaned up my room, got a box full of paper and water bottle to throw out, plus I found all my receipts which are now with the others in a box haha.

Phew, I think I have finally convinced my best friend from NZ that I really am very boring and not a party person! Apart from school and work I rarely do anything, I mostly avoid parties because that isn't my scene - never really was. I'm such a homebody it's crazy! I'd much rather watch a movie at home or go out for lunch with a friend! Or a movie date with them. I like parties if I know everyone there or most of them but I'm not a big drinker so yeah. I'm boring, but I am ok with it.

Phoenix has been hit with freezing cold weather this past week and I LOVE it!! We've hit 0.C which is around 33.F!! Love it and I hope it continues for another week but i'm told its meant to warm up. :(

Anyway I think thats all I have for today. If I think of stuff I'll blog it.
Hope you have an enjoyable Saturday afternoon or Sunday.
Xoxo

"I want to be your obsession"

Happy Thursday :)

Song: Obsession - Sky Ferreira

The week is almost over! Yay. Unfortunately I have school Mon to Fri which means I don't even get a Friday off from school work. And it's math. What did I do to myself? Haha. Oh well, it's only a 50min class. Hopefully it will be my saving grace and I can pass this math class with more than a C. Plus only having to attend 2 classes will help, though if I plan on getting another job it won't really help me will it? We will have to see I guess.

So far I still my Humanities class. My professor is so much fun! He brought up my heritage when we talked about the Commonwealth so I told him I was actually half American and half British with no NZ blood in me. Haha. There may be a few people in that class that will drive me nuts but I have Macie and Veronica from last semester to keep me company. We all think everyone else took the Mon/Wed class.

Math was alright, I have only had 1 class because Monday was a holiday but it seems ok. I am in the new math building which used to be the old library (for the county) and OMG it's fancy as heck! So big too! The professor is a substitute from the one that we were supposed to have - he will be our professor for the rest of the semester. It's ok because I didn't know the other professor so it makes no difference to me. Hopefully his system will help me learn!

Work has been going good, hours have been cut to 20-25hrs per week unless they ask me to come in. It's ok because that is what I was working until Thanksgiving. Been working the fitting room a lot! It's ok because I actually am one of the few that enjoys it! Last night was pretty amusing for me! I had one customer come in and he was trying on a pair of jeans that his girlfriend had picked out. She brought back an extra 4 pairs and the last time he came out he was wearing a pair that she liked......They were the ones that he was already wearing hahahaha :) He fooled her good.

Another funny thing that happened was near the end of the night was when 2 guys came in to try stuff on. The one who was semi-cute and appeared buff haha :)

He said something like "do I detect an accent?........English"

Me: "Yes you do and no it's New Zealand"

His friend then said "don't listen to him! he's bad news" all joking.

It was pretty funny especially when the guy left and said that 2 of the 3 pants worked but the other was "a little too tight 'down under'" haha. Yeah - it was lame and I told him that too. His excuse was that is was the best he could come up with in 2min but he might come back and try again haha. He didn't because we had closed the store but it made me laugh all the same.

It's nice to have a night off from work. I have 2 long days coming up at work (Fri/Sat) I think we are having pancakes and bacon for dinner tonight! Yummy. I smell bacon!

Family was in Cancun this past weekend (Thurs-Mon) and I had the entire weekend off! It was so peaceful and relaxing. I relished the time to myself. I had a work mate over for a movie Friday and my best friend came over Saturday night and stayed with me. I was also sick that weekend and was able to recuperate.

Oh and I have found that Godiva's dark chocolate with raspberry is too yummy!

Time to go and eat I think,

goodnight world!

"..Can't seem to find a way to leave the Love behind"

Greetings on this fine Saturday!

Stuck - Stacie Orrico

I am enjoying the peace and quiet!! I have no brothers, no dad or step-mum around the house :) So very nice. They are enjoying a little holiday in Cancun, MX. Without me. It's ok, it was a deal thing and I didn't want to have to pay to take a vacation so this is my vacation! I only have to worry about the dogs.

I have so many emails in my inbox from my ex. He didn't email back yesterday and I have realized that I can't not talk to him. This revelation was a blow to me. I don't like that feeling on being dependent on talking to someone. I miss when I don't talk to him. He sent me a few pics from a few years ago and, DAMN, that boy is still as good looking as ever. He said the same thing about me as well. The one thing that I don't like is that sometimes he doesn't answer the important questions/statements that I need him to answer.

But maybe that is a good thing. We have already decided that if this was another lifetime we would be together and be very happy. We are both very similar in some aspects but also very different in other areas.

Winter break is almost over! Nooooooooooo :( This means that the spring semester starts on Tuesday. It also means that I have not seen or heard from my "friend" RJ. Am I surprised? Nope. I have not text him or called him because if he wanted to hang out he would have got in touch with me! Alas, he has not. I am actually ok with this because at the end of the semester last year I told him exactly what was on my mind and what I thought about our friendship and how I think he has changed since leaving for college. The ball was in his court and he obviously threw it away. His loss, not mine.

I am the kind of person you want as a friend! Even after all this time my ex still wants me to be in his life. I will make an effort to keep in contact but if I am the only one making that effort and it isn't even rewarded then I am going to quit trying.

I have not got my stuff back from Alex yet, then again I haven't gone down to get it! I am not worried. I'll get it eventually when I go down there because the lazy f**k will not think to bring it up to me.

I had my friend over last night to watch a few movies. We watched Beauty and the Beast and Up. It was such a fun night! She fell in love with Smokey!! He is adorable. My bestie is coming over to stay tonight :) I haven't seen her since just before X-mas. I miss her. We will watch a few movies and do girl talk :)

Around 4pm I'll get to talk to my mummy. :)))))))) YAY. We haven't emailed in about 2wks, both have been crazy busy with work so we will catch up tonight.

I had better post this and get back to my relaxing Saturday! I hope you enjoy yours :)

xox

2011 Life Soundtrack

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

• Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
• Put it on shuffle
• Press play
• For every question, type the song that's playing and the Band
• When you go to a new question, press the next button
• Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...
  

1. Opening Credits: Forever Tuesday Morning - The Mockers
2. Waking Up: Rude Boy - Rihanna
3. Falling In Love: Private Universe - Crowded House
4. Fight Song: Another Love Song - Uncle Kracker
5. Breaking Up: All On Our Own - Midnight Youth
6. Prom: We Might Fall - Ryan Starr
7. First Kiss: Everything To Someone - Opshop
8. Locked Up: Drop It Low (Remix) - Lil Wayne and co
9. Saying I'm Sorry: Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz
10. Life: Speak Now - Taylor Swift
11. Hero Song: Last Train Home - Ryan Starr
12. Mental Breakdown: Stay - Miley Cyrus
13. Driving: Stuttering - Fefe Dobson
14. Flashback: Everybody (Backstreet's Back) - Backstreet Boys
15. Getting Back Together: Chemical Rush - Brian McFadden
16. Wedding: All I Have To Give - Backstreet Boys
17. Birth of Child: Breathe - Ryan Starr
18. Final Battle: Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson
19. Death Scene: Too Little, Too Late - Jojo
20. Funeral Song: Obsession - Sky Ferreira
21. End Credits: Mirrors - Natalia Kills

Wasn't any chance that they would be the same as i havent put most of those songs onto the laptop here in the States. I may have skipped some because I need to delete them....:)

What If.....

Playlist: One Republic - Dreaming Out Loud album

I hate it when my mind starts with these thoughts.....

What if I gave the relationship a shot?

What if that was me and we are engaged?

What if he took that job opportunity?

What if I see him again?

What if he was the one?

Instead of letting them rattle around my brain I have decided to get them onto here....It all started from the email I got from my ex-boyfriend. This is the happiest I have been in quite awhile. Talking to him brings out the carefree person I am, takes me back to happier times.

Background:

I meet him at the beginning of the year at school back in 2006. We clicked straight away, I told him to come and sit beside me. I was bold. I had never said that to a guy but he was so HOT! Brown hair with blonde tips, baby blue eyes that sparkled with mischief, a wicked smile that showed off his dimples. We pretty much began talking/texting non-stop after that first encounter. We were both attracted to each other, we both liked each other. Half a year of know each other he asked me out, over text, in a way I could not say no. Thats where the problem started. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, I could see myself with him, but I wasn't ready. It lasted a week before I told him it was better if we were friends. We were awkward for about a week. He wrote me a letter and slowly things started to go back to normal. We wrote long letters to each other a lot. I mean 4-5 pages each.

Then, he started dating this girl, I never knew her name and I still don't. He told me that while we were talking they played scrabble and hung out because she is a family friend. She was into him and resented me for his attention. She didn't like him texting me and it got to the point we just wouldn't talk at all after he left high school.

Fast track to today. They are recently engaged and I know it's not what he wants. He isn't ready to commit himself to someone even though they have been together for 3+years. He hasn't even lived yet! She doesn't let him talk to females, I know for awhile he wasn't even able to see his friends. She wants kids and he isn't ready, so he proposed to hopefully postpone all of this.

Back to my what ifs.... You never know if someone is the one for you. I know back in high school we wouldn't have lasted long, we both weren't mature enough and we needed to grow into our own person. But then again I wouldn't have known if the relationship could have made it for 3years... I wouldn't be here in America, I'd be stuck in my high schools town. I might even be engaged. Looking back now, I am happy I didn't us a shot but now? Everytime I think of him and I see an email from him my day is brightened. I keep asking him questions about his future that I need him to think about. I want him to be happy! I don't care if that means he gets married or he becomes single. I wouldn't even know if I see him again that I would have those feeling for him. I know I would for sure have butterflies. He always gave me those.

He has the chance to come and manage a farm and teach them how to farm NZ style, I know he won't come over here and take that opportunity unless he was single. His mrs would not let him come over here, I know this. I would have trouble letting him leave for a year.

With what we talk about in our emails I know he stills cares about me. He references "someone" in a few emails and I'm not being vain but I know it's me.

This is somewhat the same thing that happens with another ex. That guy, gorgeous! I would go so far to say he was my first ultimate crush, maybe love. He wants to take me on a date when I come back to NZ. But, I never knew where I stood with him, with this other guy I knew he liked me and wanted me for a long time. He said I was the "one who got away", how do I take that? If I came back home, what would happen? I have no idea. If he came here? Same answer.

I. Have. No. Idea.

I guess thats my answer to my what if questions. I will never know the answer unless I am put into the situations in which I can ask myself them.

It's just hard to not talk about any of this in the emails. I don't want him to think that if he came here single we would be together. Apart of me knows that that would not happen, I just don't want him to think about it anymore than I think he is. All I can try and do is to make him think about what he wants for his life in the future.

New Year Resolutions

1. Drink less soda

2. Save more money

I can only think of two. I might be able to think of more but then I might not actually keep them!! I have a bad habit of breaking them not long after I make them!

It's crazy to think it's already 2011! I think I said the same thing last year when we hit 2010.

Alot hasn't happened since my last email. I should reflect on the year thats past but I don't want to stay stuck in the past. I want to look to the murky future that lays before me. I don't know where I will be, or want to be, this time next year. Only time will tell.

I got a surprise email from an ex-boyfriend! We only dated for a very short time back in 2006, but he was like in-love with me anyway and we remained close until he started dating his current girlfriend. Or maybe I should now call her his fiancée. Either way, it made my day getting an email from him! We were close back in high school but grew apart and lost contact because his main squeeze hated me! I don't even know the girl, she only knew of me and the fact that I have a special place in Korie's heart. We are just talking about life, and I keep asking him questions about where he does see his life going..I want him to be ultimately happy with how his life ends up. I don't want him to get into something because someone else wants it more than him. Trying to be a good friend from across the ocean.

I worked another 40+ hour week last week! I even had 2 days off haha. It was crazy! But the pay cheque will be worth it! New Years eve day I actually worked a 12hr day!!!!! 7am to 7pm. Fucking crazy. And to top it all off, on New Years day I was back at 7am to 5pm. Apparently we get time and a half for working that day? If we do then YAY! If not then I still have my OT pay.

Tonight I work in the fitting room. Kinda excited about this because I will take a book and my phone with me! Gotta keep myself occupied if things slow down....Which fingers crossed will

actually be the case!

I bought a new phone before the new year started!! Kinda excited about it. But the price just about killed my bank account! Especially when my step-mum deposited the $200 in her account. That kinda sucked. My phone cost me a little over $300. Its the Samsung Continuum. I LOVE IT! I like the fact that it has a little screen down the bottom giving me a preview of any messages I receive. Funny thing is....The picture below is EXACTLY how my phone looks right now! :)

Happy Boxing Day

I know, Americans don't celebrate it. I also know that it was celebrated yesterday in NZ. But, to me Dec 26 is always gonna be considered Boxing day. The day that everybody deems in necessary to go out into the mayhem to find those so-called bargains. I am very grateful that I was lucky enough to get the day off!

Although,

I will have to deal with it all tomorrow night when I close as a cashier :(

Anyway,

How was your Christmas? (If anybody actually reads this dribble)

I hope Santa bought what was on your wish list!

I know I got what was on mine! I got to talk to mum and dad Christmas eve (their Xmas day). My best friend surprised me by getting this AMAZINGLY gorgeous handbag. My Grandma and Grandpa gave me $100, this cute little zen candle/rock thing, and some pans/cutlery etc for when I move out. Phyllis (and maybe dad? but I doubt) got me some new pj's, this cute Xmas mug with lots of tea, and "a walk to remember" and Dear John".

Got a pretty sweet pre-Christmas paycheck! $231 for 38hrs. Haha. I wish I wasn't still on minimum wage but hey, I am only part time. Last week I logged over 42hrs. Wish means overtime for me! I plan on using last weeks pay to buy myself a new phone tomorrow (hopefully). Upgrade mine because my 2yr contract is up! I dunno if i'll be able to get off dads plan or it would be wise for me to stay on it. It depends if I can or not. Hopefully i'll have my best friend with me.

My step-mum told me last night that her and dad are headed towards a divorce. It's sad, but they definitely do not make each other happy right now. I don't think either one will move out but I do know that if I wasn't here then one would be in this room. My youngest brother has been picking up on vibes from both of them and is acting out, doing bad things, saying cuss words, not listening. My oldest younger brother, I am unsure if he has picked up on anything. That kid can be pretty oblivious to everything. I am sure he may know something has changed between them.

Talking with mum has definitely caused me to think about a lot more options I hadn't actually considered before. She told me that her and dad will start the process of getting me NZ citizenship. Something I have wanted for a very long time! She suggested I think about coming home after I get my associates and completing my education at one of the Universities there. I am unsure if I previously mentioned that I am going to major in Tourism (and Travel). She doesn't want me to become stressed out with working and school. Having to worry about rent etc. I know to move out I will need a 2nd job.

Talking to Katy has helped me decide that maybe doing a semester at ASU will be more beneficial to me, even if I then decide to go back home to finish my degree. It will require a lot more thinking before I make a decision. It is always a life-changing one. I have come to the decision that I am most likely going to postpone ASU until Spring 2012. That way after I graduate from PVCC, I can focus on working 2 jobs (hopefully) and saving my money. That way I won't be stressing myself out with worrying about rent and school. So if I go back to NZ, it won't be until summer 2012. I need to experience living on my own and being an "adult"

Dad and Phyllis are letting me live here until summer which is when me and Katy plan on moving out.

Next semester will, fingers crossed, be my last semester at PVCC. I am only taking 2 classes. Math 142 (college level) and the next level in Ideas and Values in Humanities from the one I was just in. I had to pay for that class because I do not need it for my Associates degree which is also why I am only taking 2 classes and not 4. Only taking 2 classes also means that I may be able to get a part-time job to help save money for when i move out.

On to other topics.......

I dunno if I previously mentioned before but....We got a puppy a week before Thanksgiving!

His name is Smokey, and he is a chocolate Lab/bay Chesapeake retriever. We found out he's around 5months old now. He is adorable and has such a personality! Cody and him get on so well! Like brothers! The picture was taken not long after we got him, so he has grown a lot. He makes me miss my Jason :( and my Murphy.

Knowing me, I feel like I have missed things. But I am , as ever, to lazy to go back through old blogposts.

BUT,

I have an Alex update. We officially nothing. Haha. I text him and kinda was like "I dunno what has changed and I just needa know whats up"..He told me hes been busy with school (which he isn't in until next year) and thinks it's best if we are just friends. Least I know for a fact whats up and can move past him. Oh yeah, he came into work last week with some "whore" - Mona's words not mine. Sara told me he told her that he is her "future baby mama" and they have been seeing each other for over a month. Yeah. He is such a player and jerk. A loser and all of those non-ladylike words that we all use to describe someone like him. I'm lucky he didn't get any part of my body :)

So I will be ringing in the new year solo but hopefully with my best friend. I dunno what I will be doing that night (except working until 6:30)

Love to all xox